Health Club Pretender Gifts

"If anyone calls say I'm at the health club."

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

"It seemed like miles to me!"

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

Staff. Manager. So then you must say "I refuse to lift weights." Hey, that's not what I expected when I hired you to be a resistance training instructor!

"I tried the C25k but prefer the 5k2C"

'I wished I'd known about this club last week. I'm really stressed out at my job!'

Mouse on an Exercise Bike

'It's the new iPed. It's a pedometer, a GPS, and it has apps that show you the nearest ice cream parlors and dessert shops.'

Clown riding unicycle exercise machine at health club.

Vaccine passport required

"To be honest...if it wasn't for the dog I wouldn't get any exercise at all!"

'I understand the concept, sir, but I think I'd do better if it were a donut.'

'Dinosaurs might have survived if they'd gone to health clubs.'

"Sometimes a tightness in the chest can be a sign of high blood pressure. In your husband's case, however, I just loosened his belt a little."

"So all these years you never did yoga but just walked around carrying the mat?"

'This is my favorite machine in the gym.'

'They opened an ice cream shop by the gym.'

"I think that form '10,000' steps may have been 9,999 too many!"

"Athlete? No. Ambulance chaser."

HEALTH CLUB, 'It's just a bunch of guys sitting around eating breakfast cereal.'

"Pace yourself, Mother."

'I bought a treadmill, so if he sleepwalks again I know where he is.'

'How much have you lost so far?', '$375.00'

'Oh great, we break down in the middle of nowhere and the only spare tyre we have is the one around your waist!'

Crisis at the health club.

"No, Fred didn't run a TV marathon - He watched a marathon on TV."

'Diets are easy, I've been on loads of them.'

'How much have you lost so far?', '$375.00'

I need something to hold my tummy in

"Remember, ladies, if you're doing this right, you shouldn't be able to do it."

"I work out so I don't have to eat kale."

'I joined an exercise class to meet men, but all the men there needed the exercise way too much.'

HEALTH CLUB, 'It's just a bunch of guys sitting around eating breakfast cereal.'

Beauty Salon - "I'm just sorry we couldn't do more for you."