Health Club Skeptic Gifts

Man in prison - "This is one serious health club."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

"I've had a lot of exercise today! I jumped to several conclusions, ran my mouth on the phone, and I just cycled through 500 cable channels!"

Mouse on an Exercise Bike

'I wished I'd known about this club last week. I'm really stressed out at my job!'

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

And this model comes with a fitness tracker.

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

I'm going to switch you to a new medication that does more advertising.

"It turns out our health plan does cover eyeglasses."

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

Clown riding unicycle exercise machine at health club.

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

"Wellness clinics, stress-management checkups, hypertension screenings, lab tests, crisis after crisis. Fibre foods, fish-oil capsules, unsaturated spreads, plaque. Say what they may, McCormack, we did it our way."

"Are you sure you don't want to try just one miracle drug before you die?"

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

'Dinosaurs might have survived if they'd gone to health clubs.'

"Your insurance company decided the heart surgery isn't necessary, but they said they'd approve breast augmentation."

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

'Your employer's health plan automatically cancels your coverage once you get sick.'

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

Jeff was watching his weight.

'Sorry, our HMO doesn't approve treatments of 'owies'.'

"Your medical insurance doesn't cover 'Acts of God' like illness"

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

Man robbed by medical center.