Health Club Jokester Gifts

HEALTH CLUB, 'It's just a bunch of guys sitting around eating breakfast cereal.'

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

'Take two and call me from the Emergency room.'

"I tried the C25k but prefer the 5k2C"

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

'Could you stay out of the room for awhile, Nurse? -- Every time you walk in here, his testosterone levels surge.'

'I just came back from the allergist. I'm allergic to life.'

'It's always about you isn't it, George? Wouldn't you like to hear about the terrible day I've had for a change?'

"Fortunately, we have an excellent selection!"

'If you're into preparing healthy meals then I recommend the apricot brandy. It contains the antioxidant beta carotene.'

"...and the King Cholesterol Meal comes with a side order of CPR."

'I've had so many transplants, I feel like a garden nursery.'

'Brain surgery, Harold? Have you lost your mind?!'

"Next time you give CPR try not to use your tongue."

'So did you want the ectomy, or just the otomy?'

"Sometimes a tightness in the chest can be a sign of high blood pressure. In your husband's case, however, I just loosened his belt a little."

'Pistachio ice cream does not cpont as a serving of greens.'

'You'd better stick with blurry eyes, anxiety attacks and hallucinations, because he drug prescription, I'd give,shows even greater side effects!'

' ... and a side order of statins.'

"I feel so much more relaxed since I punched out my yoga instructor!"

'They opened an ice cream shop by the gym.'

'I don't need a bed pan, but an oil pan would be nice.'

'I have to ask; do you really care if your double-cheese bacon sausage pepperoni pizza is gluten-free?'

'Well my lightest ever was 7lbs 4oz. . .'

'This is my favorite machine in the gym.'

'No! Not the second pair of gloves...'

"This IS our diet pizza. As I told you, it's a hole pie."