Health Club Jokester Pillows

HEALTH CLUB, 'It's just a bunch of guys sitting around eating breakfast cereal.'

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

Staff. Manager. So then you must say "I refuse to lift weights." Hey, that's not what I expected when I hired you to be a resistance training instructor!

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

'Take two and call me from the Emergency room.'

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

"I tried the C25k but prefer the 5k2C"

'Could you stay out of the room for awhile, Nurse? -- Every time you walk in here, his testosterone levels surge.'

'I just came back from the allergist. I'm allergic to life.'

"...and the King Cholesterol Meal comes with a side order of CPR."

Pharmaco. He writes drug side effect warnings. Ah, a health scare provider.

'Brain surgery, Harold? Have you lost your mind?!'

"Fortunately, we have an excellent selection!"

'If you're into preparing healthy meals then I recommend the apricot brandy. It contains the antioxidant beta carotene.'

'I've had so many transplants, I feel like a garden nursery.'

Clinic. Let's see … Have there been any injuries, digestive disorders or malpractice suits today? Nope - No hits, no runs, no errors.

Maintenance & Repairs. No wonder health care is so expensive, they told me to take to tablets every four hours.

'It's always about you isn't it, George? Wouldn't you like to hear about the terrible day I've had for a change?'

"Next time you give CPR try not to use your tongue."

'So did you want the ectomy, or just the otomy?'

M.D. Mrs. Hoskins is here to match wits with you regarding her symptoms.

'Pistachio ice cream does not cpont as a serving of greens.'

"Sometimes a tightness in the chest can be a sign of high blood pressure. In your husband's case, however, I just loosened his belt a little."

'You'd better stick with blurry eyes, anxiety attacks and hallucinations, because he drug prescription, I'd give,shows even greater side effects!'

' ... and a side order of statins.'

"I feel so much more relaxed since I punched out my yoga instructor!"

'I have to ask; do you really care if your double-cheese bacon sausage pepperoni pizza is gluten-free?'

'They opened an ice cream shop by the gym.'

'Well my lightest ever was 7lbs 4oz. . .'

'I don't need a bed pan, but an oil pan would be nice.'

'This is my favorite machine in the gym.'

'No! Not the second pair of gloves...'