Wellness Jokers Pillows

'Well my lightest ever was 7lbs 4oz. . .'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

'I just came back from the allergist. I'm allergic to life.'

The nutritional devils and angels on your shoulder.

"...and the King Cholesterol Meal comes with a side order of CPR."

'If you're into preparing healthy meals then I recommend the apricot brandy. It contains the antioxidant beta carotene.'

'I understand the concept, sir, but I think I'd do better if it were a donut.'

'Pistachio ice cream does not cpont as a serving of greens.'

' ... and a side order of statins.'

'I have to ask; do you really care if your double-cheese bacon sausage pepperoni pizza is gluten-free?'

"I think that form '10,000' steps may have been 9,999 too many!"

"This IS our diet pizza. As I told you, it's a hole pie."

"But is it Organic?"

'...time you had your ears syringed?'

Fairy Tales in Pandemic Time

"Hold on! A new study says those are actually bad for you."

Health food and junk food

"In my expert medical opinion, you are suffering from hypochondria."

'No, you can't count an extra olive in your martini as a serving of vegetables.'

'Maybe I've got washboard abs underneath - you ever think that?'

I need something to hold my tummy in

"I work out so I don't have to eat kale."

'I'm trying to watch my weight so I hope that's low fat!'

How's the diet going? - 'The first 8 minutes has been tough.' - 'How come?' - 'I had to skip my pre-mid morning post-mini-brunch snack.' - 'I don't think I can take it anymore...' - 'Hang in there, big guy...' -

'I've got to watch my health - I'm Type 2 diabolic!'

HEALTH CLUB, 'It's just a bunch of guys sitting around eating breakfast cereal.'

'You passed the physical, but your underwear is on the critical list.'

'Great, more trans-fats and cholesterol!'

"No beans for you, you're on a fart free diet."