Health-conscious Jokesters Pillows

'I prefer these imported cigarettes - they don't have a health warning.'

"...and the King Cholesterol Meal comes with a side order of CPR."

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

10K Run: Smoker's Lane.

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

Centaur for Disease Control Says Wear a Mask

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

"Look! A dying brain cell! Maybe we should help!...."

'I've got this feeling, like a heavy weight on my stomach.'

Vegetarian Nightmare.

Antihistamine Rally At National Sinus Cavity

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

Moo-Magrams Exams

'Climbing up a chair to take a bag of potato crisps out of the cupboard five times a day does nor count as exercise, sir!'

"I'm keeping 'up' distance... there's a reason they are called DROPlets."

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

"Cut down on the Ho-Ho's."

The nutritional devils and angels on your shoulder.

New anti-obesity cookbook.

'She says she has a prenatal appointment.'

What's the antidote for wheat germ?

'Will we ever get a morning-after pill for over-eating?'

"One slice—hold the bread."

'If you're into preparing healthy meals then I recommend the apricot brandy. It contains the antioxidant beta carotene.'

"Looks like you both suffer from IBS. You...irritable bowel. Your friend...irritable burl."

410 BC: The Roman empire begins its slide into decadence.

"Eat lots of carrots."

'Can you make me taste like broccoli?'

"But why not be happy about all the diseases you don't have?"

"You forgot my Diet Cola."

"If you drink eight glasses of water every day, you'll due fully hydrated."

"You say that the best thing I could do for my health is to give up alcohol. Let's talk about the second best..."

'I'm afraid your conditions shows no improvement over last time, Mr. Ferguson -- you must still be doing enjoyable things.'