Health-conscious Comedians Pillows

"Then it struck me - nobody originally on the Paleo Diet lived past 35."

Tombstones have names of vegetables on them.

Resolutions: Avoid Stuff that's bad for you. . Stop lyring to yourself about making resolutions.

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

Vegetarian Nightmare.

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

"I'm keeping 'up' distance... there's a reason they are called DROPlets."

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

"What> Fitness isn't a destination, it's a way of life."

'Climbing up a chair to take a bag of potato crisps out of the cupboard five times a day does nor count as exercise, sir!'

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

"Cut down on the Ho-Ho's."

The nutritional devils and angels on your shoulder.

What's the antidote for wheat germ?

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

New anti-obesity cookbook.

"...and the King Cholesterol Meal comes with a side order of CPR."

"One slice—hold the bread."

"Eat lots of carrots."

'Can you make me taste like broccoli?'

"But why not be happy about all the diseases you don't have?"

"I know you haven't been flossing. Your electronic toothbrush has been tweeting me."

"You forgot my Diet Cola."

"Thank God!"

Formally foods that were good for you.

"The doctor said I've got 'texter's slump'."

'I believe it's 'feed a fever and starve a lawyer.''

'Give it to me straight, doc. How much longer do I have in advertising's prime demographic audience?'

'Good Cholesterol Vs. Bad Cholesterol'

"You say that the best thing I could do for my health is to give up alcohol. Let's talk about the second best..."

"If you drink eight glasses of water every day, you'll due fully hydrated."