Health-savvy Jokers Pillows

Robert tried the Heimlich Maneuver on a choking man.

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

Vegetarian Nightmare.

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

"I'm keeping 'up' distance... there's a reason they are called DROPlets."

'Climbing up a chair to take a bag of potato crisps out of the cupboard five times a day does nor count as exercise, sir!'

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

"Cut down on the Ho-Ho's."

The nutritional devils and angels on your shoulder.

"...and the King Cholesterol Meal comes with a side order of CPR."

What's the antidote for wheat germ?

'If you're into preparing healthy meals then I recommend the apricot brandy. It contains the antioxidant beta carotene.'

"One slice—hold the bread."

New anti-obesity cookbook.

"Eat lots of carrots."

"But why not be happy about all the diseases you don't have?"

'Can you make me taste like broccoli?'

'Give it to me straight, doc. How much longer do I have in advertising's prime demographic audience?'

Jim's Smart Kettle

"The doctor said I've got 'texter's slump'."

Formally foods that were good for you.

"You say that the best thing I could do for my health is to give up alcohol. Let's talk about the second best..."

"You forgot my Diet Cola."

"Thank God!"

"If you drink eight glasses of water every day, you'll due fully hydrated."

'Good Cholesterol Vs. Bad Cholesterol'