Health Journey Jokers Pillows

'I'm going to fire my life coach - he has a losing record.'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

"That's a big fat lie!"

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

Dieting Motivation.

'It's your four basic food groups.'

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

'You don't have a heart murmur, but your liver is muttering.'

'Anaesthetic ok?' - 'Yes, ten double scotches from the pub up the road.'

"Dear Diary... I've stopped smoking, and I'm sticking to my diet."

The nutritional devils and angels on your shoulder.

"Rolling pizza cutter."

'If you're into preparing healthy meals then I recommend the apricot brandy. It contains the antioxidant beta carotene.'

'I understand the concept, sir, but I think I'd do better if it were a donut.'

"An apple? Doesn't he have any pizza?"

Jim's Smart Kettle

Roger couldn't understand why his diet wasn't working.

"5 second rule!"

'Lucky for you there was a safety net.'

"I brought chips and cookies to snack on and baby carrots to sit unopened on the blanket."

'Well my lightest ever was 7lbs 4oz. . .'

"But is it Organic?"

"You can't check my pulse while I'm checking your pulse!"

"I think that form '10,000' steps may have been 9,999 too many!"

Football crazy

'...time you had your ears syringed?'

"I don't need roughage that badly!"

Fairy Tales in Pandemic Time

"Look! Now they offer healthy choices we can glance at before ordering our usual junk."

"Wine and women are off but can sing as much as you like!"

Am I in good shape, Doc? If you think "spherical" is a good shape. (Published originally on January 9, 2014.)