Health Twist Joker Pillows

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

10K Run: Smoker's Lane.

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

E=Emcee Squared

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

'It's your four basic food groups.'

'Anaesthetic ok?' - 'Yes, ten double scotches from the pub up the road.'

'You don't have a heart murmur, but your liver is muttering.'

Cloning Laboratory: 'I never thought I'd work here.'

The nutritional devils and angels on your shoulder.

"Yeah. I'm into fitness. Fittin' dis whole sammich in my mouth."

"Rolling pizza cutter."

'If you're into preparing healthy meals then I recommend the apricot brandy. It contains the antioxidant beta carotene.'

Jim's Smart Kettle

"You can eat all the cake you want and still get into heaven."

"An apple? Doesn't he have any pizza?"

Chocolate Munchies. Only 100 calories...' awesome!' - '' - 'Runchy! Rurrgh!!' - '' - 'Oh, hold on. 100 calories per Munchie' - '' -

Roger couldn't understand why his diet wasn't working.

"5 second rule!"

'Lucky for you there was a safety net.'

"I'm not finished exercising. I still have a couple of laps to go."

'I thought you needed some exercise, so I packed 800 pounds of weights in your backpack.'

"You know I always sit there for my keep fit programme!"

'Well my lightest ever was 7lbs 4oz. . .'

"I brought chips and cookies to snack on and baby carrots to sit unopened on the blanket."

"But is it Organic?"

'This exercise bike's brilliant - it's MOTORISED!'

"You can't check my pulse while I'm checking your pulse!"

Football crazy

'...time you had your ears syringed?'

"I don't need roughage that badly!"