Habitual Punster Gifts

"Welcome to the comedy club, sir! Heckling or non-heckling?"

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

I think you're ace

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

Another Turning Point in History. Oh, the heck with it -- I'll never get these antlers right. Mickey Moose.

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

"Igor, you fool! I said 'healthy brain'!"

'We had an Old Testament skit today. Al Sims was the Hittite, and I was the hittee.'

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

Garden of Eden and scrumping

"I didn't say I started jogging, I said blogging."

"No, I'm not a hare, I just happen to have big ears..."

Bitter End

'Gluten-free manna will come in the second salvo.'

'I'd never bite the hand that feeds me - but I won't pull its finger, either.'

Hamlet.

"I take it you'l like to open joint accounts. . ."

'Well, you were convicted on three out of ten counts - at least we beat the point spread.'

'My mom says an apple a day keeps the physician's assistant away.'

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

Professional Cell Phone Accessories

'I'm the veterinarian of Cheshire who spays and neuters Cheshire pets.'

'My broker swears it's a great investment but I fear it's just another pyramid scheme.'

'To save the state the expense of a trial, I thought I'd run off to Spain.'

'Hey, Lady, this is a sixty zone!'

'I think he'll be okay. He had a mild brush stroke.'

Surfin' the web.

Mobile Holmes.

Kissing Game

Timmy Gets Solitary.

Where's Slinky going? To Florida, for spring training.

'I have a rasp in my throat.'

"Your lives will continue to stink until you find your center."