Chronic Punster Gifts

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

Spring Fever

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

The First Draft. . . Moby Duck.

'Jurassic Pork.'

'How could you flunk stone shop?'

K9 Literati

Dogs life

'Out, damned Spot.'

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

Note Book

"Igor, you fool! I said 'healthy brain'!"

"Let's not try to make this symbolic. Of anything."

Veloci-Rapper

Bookworm in book, sign reads: 'Tome, Sweet Tome.'

2B or not 2B

How The Ice Age Began: 'OK, can we freeze it right there...'

Beauty and the Baste

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

'This is the age of specialisation - you can't be a hunter AND a gatherer.'

"Damn autocorrect!"

Optometrist Humor

'Gluten-free manna will come in the second salvo.'

"Have you ever considered getting braces?"

"No, I'm not a hare, I just happen to have big ears..."

'I'd never bite the hand that feeds me - but I won't pull its finger, either.'

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

'I'm calling my invention 'IPO'.'

Alternative Dickens: Oliver, having received more, requests a doggy bag.

'These continuous tax increases will be the death of us.'

"For all we know, a giant meteor could fall out of the sky and eradicate us all. So what do you say we make a little prehistory together?"

'It replaces all your small rocks with one convenient large one.'

'Evolution sounds good in theory, but what if we get overqualifed?'

'See? I've got a rock AND a stick! -- I've invented MULTITASKING!'

Dinosaurs of the Palindromic Era.