Historical Punster Gifts

Wash and Let My People Go

'My broker swears it's a great investment but I fear it's just another pyramid scheme.'

'he was just a temp.'

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

The First Draft. . . Moby Duck.

E-vac-u-ate! E-vac-u-ate! . . . I've just farted. . ."

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

'How could you flunk stone shop?'

Dogs life

K9 Literati

'Out, damned Spot.'

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

"I'll carve the wheels, you'll sell them, and Oog, here, can be customer service."

'Caesar salad?'

''The consent of the governed'? -- that could be a deal-breaker.'

Veloci-Rapper

"Igor, you fool! I said 'healthy brain'!"

"Let's not try to make this symbolic. Of anything."

Garden of Eden and scrumping

Bookworm in book, sign reads: 'Tome, Sweet Tome.'

2B or not 2B

How The Ice Age Began: 'OK, can we freeze it right there...'

'This is the age of specialisation - you can't be a hunter AND a gatherer.'

"Damn autocorrect!"

Optometrist Humor

Bitter End

"Have you ever considered getting braces?"

'I'd never bite the hand that feeds me - but I won't pull its finger, either.'

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

'I'm calling my invention 'IPO'.'

"No, I'm not a hare, I just happen to have big ears..."

"I want to be upfront. At this point, I'm only looking for a casual hookup of Frankenstein."

Alternative Dickens: Oliver, having received more, requests a doggy bag.

'These continuous tax increases will be the death of us.'