Food Allergy Worrier Pillows

'If you caught that in a wheat field, how do we know it's gluten-free?'

"Please don't kill me."

'Snap, crackle, help! I'm lactose intolerant!'

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

"Mouse? No. They contain cheese and I'm lactose intolerant."

The Nihilist Deli.

"Grandma! What big medical bills you have!"

"The economy doesn’t make me half as nervous as my kids do."

"Excuse me, Father...is the host gluten-free?"

"The chef will accommodate gluten-free requests, but only with a note from your doctor."

'Gretel, she's lying. It's not gluten free!'

'It's getting harder every day to make a living at this.'

'Climate change seems to be a real thing... in the past, our money was sufficient till the 25th of a month. Nowadays, it's melted away on the 15th.'

Gluten-free Santa

"Happy Birthday, dear! It's gluten-free, lactose-free and sugar-free."

"Everything on the menu can be prepared with no gluten, standard gluten, or extra gluten."

"If you eat gluten, we have a ton of it in the back."

'It's gluten-free or free range or something. Enjoy.'

'One question. Now that death's over and done with, do I still have to worry about taxes?'

"No, we don't sell gluten-free gluten."

The Gluten is Free. RUN!

We Honor Major Credit Cards and Most Dietary Restrictions

'Why didn't you say you were Lactose intolerant in the first place?'

'Whatever diet they're on, tell them what they ordered is perfect for them.'

"So, it's Gluten free, lactose free and meat free. How does it taste?"

Energy Bills

"It might taste a little different. It's gluten-free slop."

"It's the gluten-free edition."

"I don't know what we'll do when our adjustable-rate mortgage resets."

"None of our items are gluten-free, but they are prepared by people who are."

'It's money in the bank. . . so it's worrisome.'

Does this contain garlic?

"It's too bad you're allergic to nuts."

"Thank you for the peanut butter and jelly sandwich, Mrs Williams, but I'm allergic to peanuts, gluten, and I'm pre-diabetic."