Food Allergy Pillows

'It's wheat-free, dairy-free, fat-free, nut-free, sugar-free and salt-free...enjoy!

"Wow! So you think my chronic self-hatred may just be an undiagnosed case of lactose intolerance?"

'The good news is that you don't have mad cow's disease. The bad news is you are lactose intolerant.'

"Oh, it's alright. You couldn't know that I'm honey-intolerant."

'Snap, crackle, help! I'm lactose intolerant!'

"Mouse? No. They contain cheese and I'm lactose intolerant."

The Nihilist Deli.

"OK, hands up who’s vegan... lactose intolerant... peanut allergies..."

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

'Gretel, she's lying. It's not gluten free!'

"The chef will accommodate gluten-free requests, but only with a note from your doctor."

"Excuse me, Father...is the host gluten-free?"

'It's getting harder every day to make a living at this.'

Gluten-free Santa

"If you eat gluten, we have a ton of it in the back."

Squirrel in tree with t-shirt saying ''may contain nuts.'

"Everything on the menu can be prepared with no gluten, standard gluten, or extra gluten."

"Happy Birthday, dear! It's gluten-free, lactose-free and sugar-free."

'It's gluten-free or free range or something. Enjoy.'

"No, we don't sell gluten-free gluten."

"Are there nuts in this?"

Gluten-Free Church

"So, it's Gluten free, lactose free and meat free. How does it taste?"

"It might taste a little different. It's gluten-free slop."

'Whatever diet they're on, tell them what they ordered is perfect for them.'

The Gluten is Free. RUN!

'Why didn't you say you were Lactose intolerant in the first place?'

"It's the gluten-free edition."

'Is the homework gluten free?'

"None of our items are gluten-free, but they are prepared by people who are."

"One gluten-free, lactose-free, low carb pizza."

"Y' know, a GOOD host would provide a lactose-free option!"

"What? I have a nut allergy."

"It's too bad you're allergic to nuts."

"Thank you for the peanut butter and jelly sandwich, Mrs Williams, but I'm allergic to peanuts, gluten, and I'm pre-diabetic."