Food Allergy Gifts

"Wow! So you think my chronic self-hatred may just be an undiagnosed case of lactose intolerance?"

"Oh, it's alright. You couldn't know that I'm honey-intolerant."

'Snap, crackle, help! I'm lactose intolerant!'

"Mouse? No. They contain cheese and I'm lactose intolerant."

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

The Nihilist Deli.

"OK, hands up who’s vegan... lactose intolerant... peanut allergies..."

'Gretel, she's lying. It's not gluten free!'

"Excuse me, Father...is the host gluten-free?"

"The chef will accommodate gluten-free requests, but only with a note from your doctor."

'It's getting harder every day to make a living at this.'

Gluten-free Santa

Squirrel in tree with t-shirt saying ''may contain nuts.'

"Everything on the menu can be prepared with no gluten, standard gluten, or extra gluten."

"Happy Birthday, dear! It's gluten-free, lactose-free and sugar-free."

"If you eat gluten, we have a ton of it in the back."

'It's gluten-free or free range or something. Enjoy.'

"No, we don't sell gluten-free gluten."

Gluten-Free Church

The Gluten is Free. RUN!

'Why didn't you say you were Lactose intolerant in the first place?'

'Whatever diet they're on, tell them what they ordered is perfect for them.'

"It might taste a little different. It's gluten-free slop."

"So, it's Gluten free, lactose free and meat free. How does it taste?"

"Are there nuts in this?"

"It's the gluten-free edition."

"None of our items are gluten-free, but they are prepared by people who are."

'Is the homework gluten free?'

"Well, my wife is lactose-maltose-dextrose-sucrose-cellulose intolerant, which means I can't even hand her an empty box of candy."

"It's gluten/carb/fat/preservative/sugar-free. Enjoy your Celery Supreme."

Does this contain garlic?

"One gluten-free, lactose-free, low carb pizza."

"What? I have a nut allergy."

"It's too bad you're allergic to nuts."