Food Allergy Conscious Gifts

Gluten-free Santa

"Wow! So you think my chronic self-hatred may just be an undiagnosed case of lactose intolerance?"

'The good news is that you don't have mad cow's disease. The bad news is you are lactose intolerant.'

"Mouse? No. They contain cheese and I'm lactose intolerant."

The Nihilist Deli.

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

"OK, hands up who’s vegan... lactose intolerant... peanut allergies..."

'Gretel, she's lying. It's not gluten free!'

"Excuse me, Father...is the host gluten-free?"

"The chef will accommodate gluten-free requests, but only with a note from your doctor."

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

'It's getting harder every day to make a living at this.'

"If you eat gluten, we have a ton of it in the back."

Squirrel in tree with t-shirt saying ''may contain nuts.'

"Happy Birthday, dear! It's gluten-free, lactose-free and sugar-free."

"Everything on the menu can be prepared with no gluten, standard gluten, or extra gluten."

'It's gluten-free or free range or something. Enjoy.'

"No, we don't sell gluten-free gluten."

We Honor Major Credit Cards and Most Dietary Restrictions

"Are there nuts in this?"

"So, it's Gluten free, lactose free and meat free. How does it taste?"

Gluten-Free Church

The Gluten is Free. RUN!

'Why didn't you say you were Lactose intolerant in the first place?'

"It's the gluten-free edition."

'Whatever diet they're on, tell them what they ordered is perfect for them.'

"It might taste a little different. It's gluten-free slop."

'It's wheat-free, dairy-free, fat-free, nut-free, sugar-free and salt-free...enjoy!

'Is the homework gluten free?'

"None of our items are gluten-free, but they are prepared by people who are."

"Well, my wife is lactose-maltose-dextrose-sucrose-cellulose intolerant, which means I can't even hand her an empty box of candy."

"One gluten-free, lactose-free, low carb pizza."

"Y' know, a GOOD host would provide a lactose-free option!"

"It's too bad you're allergic to nuts."

"Thank you for the peanut butter and jelly sandwich, Mrs Williams, but I'm allergic to peanuts, gluten, and I'm pre-diabetic."