Food Allergy Conscious Pillows

Gluten-free Santa

"Wow! So you think my chronic self-hatred may just be an undiagnosed case of lactose intolerance?"

"Mouse? No. They contain cheese and I'm lactose intolerant."

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

The Nihilist Deli.

"OK, hands up who’s vegan... lactose intolerant... peanut allergies..."

"Excuse me, Father...is the host gluten-free?"

'Gretel, she's lying. It's not gluten free!'

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

"The chef will accommodate gluten-free requests, but only with a note from your doctor."

'It's getting harder every day to make a living at this.'

"If you eat gluten, we have a ton of it in the back."

"Happy Birthday, dear! It's gluten-free, lactose-free and sugar-free."

Squirrel in tree with t-shirt saying ''may contain nuts.'

"Everything on the menu can be prepared with no gluten, standard gluten, or extra gluten."

'It's gluten-free or free range or something. Enjoy.'

"No, we don't sell gluten-free gluten."

'Why didn't you say you were Lactose intolerant in the first place?'

The Gluten is Free. RUN!

"It's the gluten-free edition."

'Whatever diet they're on, tell them what they ordered is perfect for them.'

"It might taste a little different. It's gluten-free slop."

Gluten-Free Church

"So, it's Gluten free, lactose free and meat free. How does it taste?"

"Are there nuts in this?"

We Honor Major Credit Cards and Most Dietary Restrictions

"None of our items are gluten-free, but they are prepared by people who are."

'Is the homework gluten free?'

"One gluten-free, lactose-free, low carb pizza."

"What? I have a nut allergy."

"It's gluten/carb/fat/preservative/sugar-free. Enjoy your Celery Supreme."

"Well, my wife is lactose-maltose-dextrose-sucrose-cellulose intolerant, which means I can't even hand her an empty box of candy."

Does this contain garlic?

"It's too bad you're allergic to nuts."