Allergy-conscious Foodie Pillows

'Gretel, she's lying. It's not gluten free!'

"Wow! So you think my chronic self-hatred may just be an undiagnosed case of lactose intolerance?"

"Mouse? No. They contain cheese and I'm lactose intolerant."

The Nihilist Deli.

"OK, hands up who’s vegan... lactose intolerant... peanut allergies..."

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

"The chef will accommodate gluten-free requests, but only with a note from your doctor."

'It's getting harder every day to make a living at this.'

Gluten-free Santa

"Everything on the menu can be prepared with no gluten, standard gluten, or extra gluten."

Squirrel in tree with t-shirt saying ''may contain nuts.'

"No, we don't sell gluten-free gluten."

"So, it's Gluten free, lactose free and meat free. How does it taste?"

"So, little Andy is a lawyer now!"

"Are there nuts in this?"

"It might taste a little different. It's gluten-free slop."

Gluten-Free Church

We Honor Major Credit Cards and Most Dietary Restrictions

"How could they possibly know it's gluten-free, low gi. . . ?"

"None of our items are gluten-free, but they are prepared by people who are."

'Is the homework gluten free?'

"What? I have a nut allergy."

"Well, my wife is lactose-maltose-dextrose-sucrose-cellulose intolerant, which means I can't even hand her an empty box of candy."

"One gluten-free, lactose-free, low carb pizza."

"Y' know, a GOOD host would provide a lactose-free option!"

"It's gluten/carb/fat/preservative/sugar-free. Enjoy your Celery Supreme."

Does this contain garlic?

The Last Thanksgiving

'I'm sorry sir, but this highway is lactose intolerant.'

"Everything on the menu can be prepared with no gluten, standard gluten or extra gluten."

"Did you put garlic in the pasta?"

'Please sir, does this contain nuts?'

'Strawberries give me the hives. How about an apple?'