Allergy-friendly Foodie Pillows

'It's wheat-free, dairy-free, fat-free, nut-free, sugar-free and salt-free...enjoy!

"One gluten-free, lactose-free, low carb pizza."

"Wow! So you think my chronic self-hatred may just be an undiagnosed case of lactose intolerance?"

"Oh, it's alright. You couldn't know that I'm honey-intolerant."

'Snap, crackle, help! I'm lactose intolerant!'

"Mouse? No. They contain cheese and I'm lactose intolerant."

The Nihilist Deli.

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

"OK, hands up who’s vegan... lactose intolerant... peanut allergies..."

"Don't tell anyone, but I'll have the devil's food cake."

"The chef will accommodate gluten-free requests, but only with a note from your doctor."

Well, O.K., so you found fast food, but what's the hurry?

'Gretel, she's lying. It's not gluten free!'

'It's getting harder every day to make a living at this.'

Gluten-free Santa

"Everything on the menu can be prepared with no gluten, standard gluten, or extra gluten."

"The surgery went well. You'll be issued a 'Contains No Nuts' card upon discharge."

Squirrel in tree with t-shirt saying ''may contain nuts.'

"No, we don't sell gluten-free gluten."

"It might taste a little different. It's gluten-free slop."

We Honor Major Credit Cards and Most Dietary Restrictions

Gluten-Free Church

"So, it's Gluten free, lactose free and meat free. How does it taste?"

"Are there nuts in this?"

'Is the homework gluten free?'

"None of our items are gluten-free, but they are prepared by people who are."

"Well, my wife is lactose-maltose-dextrose-sucrose-cellulose intolerant, which means I can't even hand her an empty box of candy."

Does this contain garlic?

"Y' know, a GOOD host would provide a lactose-free option!"

"It's gluten/carb/fat/preservative/sugar-free. Enjoy your Celery Supreme."

"What? I have a nut allergy."

The Last Thanksgiving

'I'm sorry sir, but this highway is lactose intolerant.'

"Everything on the menu can be prepared with no gluten, standard gluten or extra gluten."

'Please sir, does this contain nuts?'