Food Allergy Survivor Pillows

"I have a nut allergy."

"Wow! So you think my chronic self-hatred may just be an undiagnosed case of lactose intolerance?"

'The good news is that you don't have mad cow's disease. The bad news is you are lactose intolerant.'

"Oh, it's alright. You couldn't know that I'm honey-intolerant."

'Snap, crackle, help! I'm lactose intolerant!'

"Mouse? No. They contain cheese and I'm lactose intolerant."

The Nihilist Deli.

"OK, hands up who’s vegan... lactose intolerant... peanut allergies..."

"Is it just me, or is the pollen particularly bad this year?"

'Gretel, she's lying. It's not gluten free!'

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

"The chef will accommodate gluten-free requests, but only with a note from your doctor."

"Excuse me, Father...is the host gluten-free?"

Man sneezes and blows flowers out of painting.

Gluten-free Santa

'You see, I'm allergic to dog dander....'

"Everything on the menu can be prepared with no gluten, standard gluten, or extra gluten."

"If you eat gluten, we have a ton of it in the back."

Squirrel in tree with t-shirt saying ''may contain nuts.'

"Happy Birthday, dear! It's gluten-free, lactose-free and sugar-free."

'It's gluten-free or free range or something. Enjoy.'

"No, we don't sell gluten-free gluten."

"The tests came back positive. You're H2O intolerant."

The Gluten is Free. RUN!

Gluten-Free Church

"Are there nuts in this?"

'Why didn't you say you were Lactose intolerant in the first place?'

'Whatever diet they're on, tell them what they ordered is perfect for them.'

"It's the gluten-free edition."

"So, it's Gluten free, lactose free and meat free. How does it taste?"

"It might taste a little different. It's gluten-free slop."

'It's wheat-free, dairy-free, fat-free, nut-free, sugar-free and salt-free...enjoy!

"None of our items are gluten-free, but they are prepared by people who are."

"Well, my wife is lactose-maltose-dextrose-sucrose-cellulose intolerant, which means I can't even hand her an empty box of candy."

"It's too bad you're allergic to nuts."