Food Allergy Fighter Pillows

'Allergy Cafe - All you can Tolerate.'

'Snap, crackle, help! I'm lactose intolerant!'

"Sorry. Gluten is a deal-breaker for me."

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

"Wow! So you think my chronic self-hatred may just be an undiagnosed case of lactose intolerance?"

"Impressive, yes, but what exactly is a black belt in cookery?"

'The good news is that you don't have mad cow's disease. The bad news is you are lactose intolerant.'

"Oh, it's alright. You couldn't know that I'm honey-intolerant."

"Mouse? No. They contain cheese and I'm lactose intolerant."

The Nihilist Deli.

Wordplay: Rabbit Punch.

"OK, hands up who’s vegan... lactose intolerant... peanut allergies..."

"Excuse me, Father...is the host gluten-free?"

"All right, we straighten this out immediately! René threw the bouillabaisse at Jacques, no? The Jam-bon en croûte was thrown by Jacques at René, correct? The truite en gelée and the fraises des bois were thrown by François at Henri, and Henri threw the mousse au chocolat at François, and . . ."

"The chef will accommodate gluten-free requests, but only with a note from your doctor."

'Gretel, she's lying. It's not gluten free!'

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

Whole foods versus 'hole foods'.

Gluten-free Santa

Squirrel in tree with t-shirt saying ''may contain nuts.'

"Happy Birthday, dear! It's gluten-free, lactose-free and sugar-free."

"If you eat gluten, we have a ton of it in the back."

"Everything on the menu can be prepared with no gluten, standard gluten, or extra gluten."

'It's gluten-free or free range or something. Enjoy.'

Food Cooked. Nerves raw.

"No, we don't sell gluten-free gluten."

The final all-toast supper at apartment 5-B

'Whatever diet they're on, tell them what they ordered is perfect for them.'

Pizza Fencing

"Ambitions . . . never, ever to eat broccoli again."

Cannibal: 'FOOOOD FIGHT!

'Why didn't you say you were Lactose intolerant in the first place?'

"It's the gluten-free edition."

"Don't eat anything fatty...you're not listening, Fatty...I said, 'Don't eat anything!'"

"It might taste a little different. It's gluten-free slop."