Foodie Who Worries Pillows

'I don't think it's so much my inability to lose weight as it is my ability to find it.'

"Please don't kill me."

Fishing rod coming out of a health farm towards a hot dog stand.

Cuckoo has got halfway through it's call and then had an arrow shot at it.

"Pardon, I should have been more specific...is everything all right with THE MEAL?"

'You have to lose weight. Stop having intimate dinners for two, when you are not expecting anyone to join you.'

All You Can Eat Buffet: "Remember, my safe word is 'Diabetes.'"

'Do you, Freddie Finicky, promise to eat all your dinners up?'

I feel like I'm starting to hate everyone, doc. Dr. Noodle. I hate the stranger who shook his head in disgust at me when he saw I was in an interracial relationship. I hate the lady who cut me off in traffic and almost ran me off the road this morning. I hate the dentist who convinced me I needed a $350 mouth guard when I could've bought one just as good for $25 at Target. I hate the girl scout who sold me six disgusting boxes of ten-year-old Samoa cookies. That's ... ten? I hate myself for not

Man walks into a restaurant with a sign saying "Billy Bob's Diner - We don't let the federal government tell us what to do with our tainted beef".

'I think our marriage would make a great country song.'

Supermarket Aisles.

"Fred? Can you help me? I'm really in a jam."

'Grate two hundred grammes of cheddar cheese...' - 'Uh-oh.' - 'Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no...' - 'Cheese gives me nightmares.' - 'Argh!!! No!!! Make it stop!! I can't take the pain!! No!! Arghhhh!!!'

'Enlighten me!'

'We're sorry sir, but our kitchen is out-sourced and takes a little longer.'

"Give me the menus—you've kept the chef in suspense long enough."

A little green pepper means 'vegetarian." A little red heart means "heart healthy." And a little skull and crossbones means "I really shouldn't , but

"All our ingredients are ethically sourced, so feel free to leave the sh*ttiest tip you can possibly imagine."

After standing on the scales Claire decided to stamp on the diet book.

'I take it you're having the businessman's lunch.'

"Be right with you, folks."

"I'm spending too much money on food. But what can I do? The kids won't eat anything else."

"For what we are about to receive, let it not contain any mad cow disease..."

Guy begging for money holding his hat out. Next to him an out of work chef holding his frying pan out begging for money.

'I can't conceal it any longer - the food in this place is killing you.'

'If it tastes good, spit it out!'

"Nope, I'll have to pass on lunch today!"

Cook struggles to open sauce jar.

Man suffering terrrible cramps at dinner

"My heart says I should go with my head; my head says I should go with my gut."

'This is an emergency, get me meals on wheels...'

'The food in here does taste like home cooking - I'm not leaving a tip!'

"Some kids are eating so much junk food and getting so fat they can hardly move."

'For small events, the sympathetic ear, for big ones, the sympathetic stomach!'