Film Executive Gifts

"Hey, this is brilliant! Where do you get my ideas?"

'No, the nude scene isn't essential to the plot, but we need it for the posters.'

"Gentlemen, this is Mr. Griscom, Super Films' new horror expert."

"We're done - there's nothing left in the world to bastardize."

"I need an ensemble film. Take five star vehicles and smush them together."

"Mom baby!"

"Can you hold on a minute? I have someone here from central casting."

Mega Studios. Box Office. It's a box office bust?! That's my definition of a horror movie!

Studios. We need a title for the Tom Hanks movie about a guy living in an airport. "Hide in Plane Site." Rejected Movie Titles.

Here's the idea - A Christmas 'feel good' movie with a slasher twist. The title, 'It's a wonderful knife'.

"Okay, so here's my pitch . . . this movie should be 89 minutes long but it clocks in at 2:42 . . ."

"Trust me, Max. Our script captures the warp and the woof of the way people really live!"

"I LOVE this business! Just when you think you've discovered our culture's lowest common denominator, along comes a crazy genius like you to show us how wrong our math was!"

After acquiring former Murdoch owned Fox companies for $71.3 Billion... Disney rebrands them to make Fox a relic of the past.

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

James Bond in a Snow Globe

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Director/Action Man toy.

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

'Take a few days off. Suck some necks ...'

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

"Hey grandpa, tell us more about the time you were in that Steven Spielberg movie."

BBC - Crisis Management, Damage Control and Liability Supervision.

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka

Working in the Hazard Zone!

Stand-up Romcom

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."