Television Executive Gifts

TV - Please stand buy. We've run out of ideas.

'Get real! Reality is, Reality sells'

BBC Scheduling Meeting, "The correct answer was no, we don't need another quiz show, so that's five points to the other team."

"In the future, everyone will be famous for fifteen episodes."

'As station manager, I'd like to apologize to any morons our t.v. editorial may have offended.'

'Let's telecast the games free and make the fights pay-per-view.'

Congressional subcommittee to investigate obscenity in primetime TV: 'I'll tell you what's obscene- network CEOs pay and bonuses!

'We've got too many sitcoms, Miss Dudley -- pull the laugh tracks on half of them and run them as soaps.'

TV repeats.

'It's a whole new twist - a straight-laced detective who does everything by the book.'

'I just love this new reality show, TRADING BANK ACCOUNTS!'

TV scheduler's garbage in and garbage out baskets..

First and last day as member of the CRTC.

Child Prodigies: Producer of the Jeremy Kyle Show.

"But if we let you pick and choose your own stations, that could hurt a lot of feelings."

'Happy 50th PBS.'

"Did you say these writers are from Uranus?"

More Bad News for Network TV: The Insect Channel

BBC TV Programming Department

'We've got too many sitcoms, Miss Dudley -- pull the laugh tracks on half of them and run them as soaps.'

Food programmes.

Listen, you're pitching me a reality show about a boy who never grows up, but reality shows are already full of people who never grow up.

TV Situations vacant.

'This mindless blather is edited for TV.'

MEGASTUDIOS, INC., 'Just think of it -- 'CSI Mayberry,' with Robert DeNiro as Andy and Wesley Snipes as Barney!'

"A completely new concept in Television, a Vorderman free channel!!"

''It's a wonderful life' will not be seen tonight, because our station manager is feeling sort of cynical.'

'In an unexpected development today, 'People for the American Way' relocated its headquarters to Canada.'

Al Gore - Go Greener (sell out current TV to oil rich Al Jazeera for $100 million).

Television executives - "Topless Reith Lectures."

'You read? What kind of entertainment is that?'

'Apparently, TV executives have 50 names for repeats!'

"...And what if another 14 year old with a camera-phone gets more viewers tomorrow night, too?"

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"