Tv Executive Gifts

Woman at Reality TV Productions Co. has in out boxes marked IN and IN OVER MY HEAD.

'I wouldn't bother going, it'll just be a repeat of the winter meeting.'

'You can't say snot on television...'

"That's N-E-T-W-O-R-K television programming!"

'A series based on made-up stories with actors following scripts? Preposterous.'

Michael Grade is right...ITV needs more real writers which is why we want you to commission 'celebrity novelists get me out of here'.

'You don't like it and I don't like it, but the FCC likes it.'

'ANCHOR doesn't mean you drag the whole network!'

"This ought to bring in the young demographic!"

When TV networks hold pledge drives, you know the economy isn't in great shape.

Note to viewers: We've cut back on sexual content by replacing it with violence.

'Now I think that's the fastest I've ever seen a programme idea get watered down.'

'We've got too many sitcoms, Miss Dudley -- pull the laugh tracks on half of them and run them as soaps.'

Have them curse more... People like that.

"After that ridiculous presentation, I'm replacing your applause sign with a laugh track."

"In the future, everyone will be famous for fifteen episodes."

"What we have in mind is reporting 24 hours of disasters each day but you know, upbeat and entertaining."

Secret of the Great Television Executives

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

'If only every year was an election year.'

News Internecine: Murdoch succession battle

"....So called 'fake news' is dangerous to our democracy!"

Newspaper suicide.

'I just love this new reality show, TRADING BANK ACCOUNTS!'

"'C' is for free CONTENT!"

'Personally, I love your script, but Rex is pretty certain he smells a bomb!'

Cameron uncomfortable hanging out with his inquisitor.

'Hang on a minute...'

"We started losing money right around the time we decided to just lazily remake old movies with the race or gender of the main character switched from the original." "We're burning through cash and we urgently need to course correct and try something different." "So we're going to make fresh stories with new and interesting characters?" "What?" "No."

"The script is flimsy, the action scenes implausible and the plot would insult the intelligence of a three year old."

"It's supposed to be a comedy, so I've had Steve, here, red-flag the funny parts."

TV Situations vacant.

Brian, I hope you're taking this seriously.