Film Agent Gifts

'Being caught sober in your car is very bad for your career.'

'Do you have an agent?'

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

'The C minus was sufficient. I didn't need the advice against hiring a literary agent.'

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

"Have you read any of Shakespeare's plays?"

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

Henry the amazing talking dog.

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

Why you've never heard of Ricky Rat.

"Mum, I got the job!"

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

Your resume begins Once Upon A Time...I like that!

Enterpe, Terpsichore, Calliope, and Bernie, their agent.

"We can stop entertaining ourselves now, Ian."

"Which part are you reading for?"

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

"We both see Ben as this summer's breakout child."

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

"And what else do you think you can bring to the role of Edmund, Earl of Gloucester?"

"If you saw a book with the title 'An American Speaks Out,' would you buy it?"

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

"Those are the failed attempts at my first novel."

"Great news, I've booked you two stag nights, a hen party and fourteen solemn thanksgiving services for members of the theatrical profession"

'Please keep in mind this is only a 'ruff' copy.'

'Is this your first book launch?'

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...