Hollywood Agent Gifts

"I'm not sure if the audience is ready to embrace you in a romantic comedy."

"Stan baby, Dave baby here."

'I'm five, but I can play three to seven and a half.'

"He's Richard Gere without the principles."

"Listen, I'm speaking to you not just as your agent, but also as a parasite."

"The premise was good but you failed on the execution."

"I promised I'd be around long enough to reinvent and repackage each of you one more time, but the Big Talent Agent in the Sky seems to have other plans for me!"

'Why must the children be subjected to this?!?'

Philip Seymour Hoffman

Hollywood Actor's Agency door sign reading 'Gone to lunch, but - I'll be back!'.

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

Henry the amazing talking dog.

'Hey, Charlie, have we got good news for you!'

Why you've never heard of Ricky Rat.

"Mum, I got the job!"

Enterpe, Terpsichore, Calliope, and Bernie, their agent.

"Great news, I've booked you two stag nights, a hen party and fourteen solemn thanksgiving services for members of the theatrical profession"

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

Tom Hanks

"Which part are you reading for?"

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

"And what else do you think you can bring to the role of Edmund, Earl of Gloucester?"

"We both see Ben as this summer's breakout child."

'And the Award goes to...Ewww...him?'

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

"So, do you see yourself as a car valet who writes screenplays or a screen writer who parks cars?"

'Nine national treasures in one film! Start writing your Oscar speech, darling.'

Meet Santa's entourage

Sid Sinatra.

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."