Hollywood Actor Gifts

Shepherd and eurydice

"Bond James, Bond."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"To torture an insect or not to torture an insect, that is the question."

They hated me.

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Showbiz Awards

"These aren’t the droids you’re looking for."

Benedict Cumberbatch

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

12 O'clock was 'I'm a tractor time.'

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

A fairy with wand and crown in pink tutu

'They all want to play the star.'

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

'How are the ventriloquist lessons going?'

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

King Kong uses fly spray against the pesky planes on top of the Empire State Building

"Extreme miming"

"Hey grandpa, tell us more about the time you were in that Steven Spielberg movie."

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

Shakespeare does stand-up comedy in the round.

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

'Hamlet'

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"