Hollywood Worker Gifts

"I see you do all your own stunts."

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

King Kong uses fly spray against the pesky planes on top of the Empire State Building

"Hey grandpa, tell us more about the time you were in that Steven Spielberg movie."

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

Marilyn Monroe - Spot the Difference

Canadian film production

Why you've never heard of Ricky Rat.

'Hey, Charlie, have we got good news for you!'

Buster Keaton

'...And now, the film most criticized for eroding traditional family values, the nominees are...'

Enterpe, Terpsichore, Calliope, and Bernie, their agent.

"OK, stop me if you've never heard this before!"

"Citizen Kane first draft... Citizen Kane By Orson Welles & Herman J. Mankiewicz Int. Kane's bedroom Kane's old voice Call a freaking ambulance! Rosebud..."

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

Moulin Rouge Security

Tom Hanks

'The bigger they are... The harder they hit!'

"Which part are you reading for?"

Film Star Robert de Niro

"Hello. I'm director Bob ('Blue Fires') Munsey and this is screenwriter Doris ('Highway to Nowhere') Winslow."

Blockbuster Billion Club

Los Angeles, 1928: Mickey Mouse Emerges from the Primordial Ooze.

'Harlow, why can't you be passionate like Mel Gibson?'

'Vital mission - movie parody'

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

Martin Scorsese

"They tell me you're a man who has True Magritte."

Jim Carrey,

"So, do you see yourself as a car valet who writes screenplays or a screen writer who parks cars?"

'At last, the newly discovered films of Woody Alien.'

Hollywood Breakup