Hollywood Insider Gifts

"It's been done, but I don't think it's been redone."

Enterpe, Terpsichore, Calliope, and Bernie, their agent.

"There's no business deductions like show business deductions."

'Hey, Charlie, have we got good news for you!'

Licence Plate in Hollywood - Just Remarried.

Celebrity Scandal

'And the Award goes to...Ewww...him?'

The Prozac Story: 'It's a feel-good movie.'

'Producers don't make money from bad living actors but sometimes we can make money from actors who have tragically died... You know what I mean?'

Hollywood Removing the Stars of Sex Abusers

"... And of course, because he's only a 'D-list celebrity' you'll get him much cheaper."

Golden Globes

When stars marry: 'Why did you ask him first? Does he have top billing?'

'Anthony Hopkins will be offered the role of Saddam Hussein in a new Jessica Lynch movie.'

'And who are you wearing?'

"You know that kid that submitted a screenplay to us on the back of a restaurant menu? I'm passing on it. I like the screenplay, but I hate that restaurant."

"This business is all about relationships. The guy who whitens my teeth is a cousin of the guy who does my Hair implants and his Sister-in-Law does my Botox."

Police vs. Paparazzi

Obscene Hollywood phone call

"He killed in rehab."

"Once again, the epicenter seems to be Christian Slater."

"You want the gimmick? Here's the gimmick. Kevin Costner won't produce it, he won't direct it, and he won't star in it."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. You need a Laurence Fisburne-Forest Whitaker-James Earl Jones type."

King Kong uses fly spray against the pesky planes on top of the Empire State Building

"Hey grandpa, tell us more about the time you were in that Steven Spielberg movie."

Marilyn Monroe - Spot the Difference

"Citizen Kane first draft... Citizen Kane By Orson Welles & Herman J. Mankiewicz Int. Kane's bedroom Kane's old voice Call a freaking ambulance! Rosebud..."

Tom Hanks

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

Hollywood Breakup

'Harlow, why can't you be passionate like Mel Gibson?'

'At last, the newly discovered films of Woody Alien.'

'We had to donwsize.'

"Don't forget the screenplay."

"You played yourself in your last picture. Everyone found it unconvincing."