Hollywood News Gifts

'I'd love to spend more time perusing the alternative media, but then I'd miss out on all those important celebrity stories.'

'Hello? This is Mister Schwarzenegger's new maid, may I take your message please?'

Je Suis Brangelina

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

King Kong uses fly spray against the pesky planes on top of the Empire State Building

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

Marilyn Monroe - Spot the Difference

Canadian film production

'...And now, the film most criticized for eroding traditional family values, the nominees are...'

Why you've never heard of Ricky Rat.

'Hey, Charlie, have we got good news for you!'

Enterpe, Terpsichore, Calliope, and Bernie, their agent.

"OK, stop me if you've never heard this before!"

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

Tom Hanks

"Which part are you reading for?"

Film Star Robert de Niro

Los Angeles, 1928: Mickey Mouse Emerges from the Primordial Ooze.

Blockbuster Billion Club

'Harlow, why can't you be passionate like Mel Gibson?'

Jim Carrey,

'And the Award goes to...Ewww...him?'

"So, do you see yourself as a car valet who writes screenplays or a screen writer who parks cars?"

Quentin Tarantino

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

"They tell me you're a man who has True Magritte."

'Vital mission - movie parody'

"Hello. I'm director Bob ('Blue Fires') Munsey and this is screenwriter Doris ('Highway to Nowhere') Winslow."

Hollywood producer.

Martin Scorsese

Danae's Celebrity Career: 'I don't know where to begin in deciding what I want to be when I grow up...I want people to shut and leave me alone, and I need lots of attention, so...'

Sylvester Stallone