Hollywood Watchdog Gifts

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"He's the chief watchdog, who watches over all the other watchdogs—but this must be his night off."

"Gone with the wind with cats" "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." "Me neither, who cares—let's take a nap."

'Hey, Charlie, have we got good news for you!'

'...And now, the film most criticized for eroding traditional family values, the nominees are...'

Enterpe, Terpsichore, Calliope, and Bernie, their agent.

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

Tom Hanks

'And the Award goes to...Ewww...him?'

"Which should we go see: the straight romantic comedy where the heroine's best friend is a gay man, or the gay romantic comedy where the hero's best friend is a straight woman?"

"Nothing is illegal if a hundred businessmen decide to do it."

Death Styles of the Rich and Famous

"Once again, the epicenter seems to be Christian Slater."

"It's been done, but I don't think it's been redone."

"There's no business deductions like show business deductions."

When stars marry: 'Why did you ask him first? Does he have top billing?'

"I'm afraid that's a wrap for this session!"

'Sometimes I think we shoot too much film and too few actors - give me your gun!'

Shirley MacLaine caricature

'And who are you wearing?'

'If you had more criminal potential, you'd get a bonus like all the other investment bankers!'

"And here - take this Vin Diesel monologue with you!"

"You know that kid that submitted a screenplay to us on the back of a restaurant menu? I'm passing on it. I like the screenplay, but I hate that restaurant."

Moby Dick the Demi Moore Version

"You're going out there an annoying, mannered girl, but you're going to come back an indie queen."

Scrip Doctor