Hollywood Watchdog Gifts

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"He's the chief watchdog, who watches over all the other watchdogs—but this must be his night off."

"Gone with the wind with cats" "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." "Me neither, who cares—let's take a nap."

'...And now, the film most criticized for eroding traditional family values, the nominees are...'

'Hey, Charlie, have we got good news for you!'

Enterpe, Terpsichore, Calliope, and Bernie, their agent.

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

Tom Hanks

'And the Award goes to...Ewww...him?'

Lord of the Rings IV.

Death Styles of the Rich and Famous

"Once again, the epicenter seems to be Christian Slater."

"Which should we go see: the straight romantic comedy where the heroine's best friend is a gay man, or the gay romantic comedy where the hero's best friend is a straight woman?"

"Nothing is illegal if a hundred businessmen decide to do it."

Christopher Nolan caricature

"It's been done, but I don't think it's been redone."

"There's no business deductions like show business deductions."

Alicia Vikander

"You know that kid that submitted a screenplay to us on the back of a restaurant menu? I'm passing on it. I like the screenplay, but I hate that restaurant."

'Sometimes I think we shoot too much film and too few actors - give me your gun!'

Whoopie Goldberg

Arnold Schwarzenneger caricature.

The Wickerman (Hollywood style)

"I'm afraid that's a wrap for this session!"

Sofia Vergara

Moby Dick the Demi Moore Version

Arnold Schwarzenegger going to a party as Bach.

Melanie Griffith

When stars marry: 'Why did you ask him first? Does he have top billing?'

Ellen Page

"And here - take this Vin Diesel monologue with you!"

Shirley MacLaine caricature

'And who are you wearing?'

Woody Allen

Scrip Doctor