Hollywood Executive Gifts

'It's a new reality show about a reality show producer...'

"It's like 'Family Circus' meets 'The Wire,' but on a cruise ship."

"What do I do? I'm a film remaker."

"I don't want to hear 'can't' - you find out where the Special Forces are deployed, and you send them some goddam muffin baskets!"

"That thing you just said – I'd like to option it for a movie."

Why snakes make poor movie critics.

'We come to this planet in search of a movie deal. . . like 'E.T.'.'

MEGASTUDIOS, INC., 'I've GOT it! -- Winnie-the-Pooh VERSUS the Smurfs!'

'Another nightmare, Billy? What genre - horror or thriller?'

Harvey Weinstein Scandal,

"They're really digging out all the obscure superheroes now."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

'Hey, Charlie, have we got good news for you!'

Enterpe, Terpsichore, Calliope, and Bernie, their agent.

'NBC has revealed plans for a new, humorous version of The Office.'

Tom Hanks

Hollywood producer.

'Hang on a minute...'

'Personally, I love your script, but Rex is pretty certain he smells a bomb!'

'And the Award goes to...Ewww...him?'

Quentin Tarantino

"It's supposed to be a comedy, so I've had Steve, here, red-flag the funny parts."

Death Styles of the Rich and Famous

"We started losing money right around the time we decided to just lazily remake old movies with the race or gender of the main character switched from the original." "We're burning through cash and we urgently need to course correct and try something different." "So we're going to make fresh stories with new and interesting characters?" "What?" "No."

Lord of the Rings IV.

"The script is flimsy, the action scenes implausible and the plot would insult the intelligence of a three year old."

"Once again, the epicenter seems to be Christian Slater."

Brian, I hope you're taking this seriously.

"It's been done, but I don't think it's been redone."

"There's no business deductions like show business deductions."

"I LOVE this business! Just when you think you've discovered our culture's lowest common denominator, along comes a crazy genius like you to show us how wrong our math was!"

When stars marry: 'Why did you ask him first? Does he have top billing?'

'And who are you wearing?'

"California has always been too big for its britches."