Hollywood Executive Gifts

'It's a new reality show about a reality show producer...'

"It's like 'Family Circus' meets 'The Wire,' but on a cruise ship."

"What do I do? I'm a film remaker."

"I don't want to hear 'can't' - you find out where the Special Forces are deployed, and you send them some goddam muffin baskets!"

"That thing you just said – I'd like to option it for a movie."

Why snakes make poor movie critics.

'We come to this planet in search of a movie deal. . . like 'E.T.'.'

'Another nightmare, Billy? What genre - horror or thriller?'

"They're really digging out all the obscure superheroes now."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

'Hey, Charlie, have we got good news for you!'

Enterpe, Terpsichore, Calliope, and Bernie, their agent.

Tom Hanks

'Personally, I love your script, but Rex is pretty certain he smells a bomb!'

'Hang on a minute...'

'And the Award goes to...Ewww...him?'

Hollywood producer.

"It's supposed to be a comedy, so I've had Steve, here, red-flag the funny parts."

"The script is flimsy, the action scenes implausible and the plot would insult the intelligence of a three year old."

Death Styles of the Rich and Famous

"Once again, the epicenter seems to be Christian Slater."

Brian, I hope you're taking this seriously.

"We started losing money right around the time we decided to just lazily remake old movies with the race or gender of the main character switched from the original." "We're burning through cash and we urgently need to course correct and try something different." "So we're going to make fresh stories with new and interesting characters?" "What?" "No."

"It's been done, but I don't think it's been redone."

"There's no business deductions like show business deductions."

Hollywood Think Tank

"I just sold my entire back catalogue of songs for $185 million."

'And who are you wearing?'

"You know that kid that submitted a screenplay to us on the back of a restaurant menu? I'm passing on it. I like the screenplay, but I hate that restaurant."

"I LOVE this business! Just when you think you've discovered our culture's lowest common denominator, along comes a crazy genius like you to show us how wrong our math was!"

"I see you do all your own stunts."

'It's 'big office' meets 'poorly-received flop'!'

'A series based on made-up stories with actors following scripts? Preposterous.'

When stars marry: 'Why did you ask him first? Does he have top billing?'