Celebrity Agent Gifts

'I'm a celebrity...You Jane...'

Modern Celeb Agent

"Your career needs a jumpstart. Rehab is pass?. How about 3 weeks in prison?"

'What kind of agent are you if you can't even get my phone hacked?'

What a complete non-entity c-list has-been...

"Emotional breakdown. Call Oprah!"

"Boy, do I have an autograph album to show you?!"

"Now remember don't bark at anybody."

"What kind of agent are you if you can't eve get my super-injunction leaked onto Twitter!?"

'Can I have a refund if she puts the weight back on.'

Sopwerth, Drewry & Sims Practice limited to 'Celebrity law'

"Emotional breakdown! Call Oprah!"

Solange Knowles got married!!! That's n

"He's a Brad Pitt Lookalike. I found him on canal street."

"You get out of line, Mitchell, and you'll never work in this town again. By 'this town' I mean, of course, Hollywood."

"Nothing showy, but we would like to be publicized."

"You have such a familiar face. Who did it?"

"I don't know what that is, either - it could be the Olsen twins."

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

'The C minus was sufficient. I didn't need the advice against hiring a literary agent.'

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

"Have you read any of Shakespeare's plays?"

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

Henry the amazing talking dog.

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

"Mum, I got the job!"

Why you've never heard of Ricky Rat.