Celebrity Agent Gifts

Modern Celeb Agent

"Your career needs a jumpstart. Rehab is pass?. How about 3 weeks in prison?"

'What kind of agent are you if you can't even get my phone hacked?'

What a complete non-entity c-list has-been...

"Emotional breakdown. Call Oprah!"

"Boy, do I have an autograph album to show you?!"

"Now remember don't bark at anybody."

"What kind of agent are you if you can't eve get my super-injunction leaked onto Twitter!?"

'Can I have a refund if she puts the weight back on.'

Sopwerth, Drewry & Sims Practice limited to 'Celebrity law'

"Emotional breakdown! Call Oprah!"

"You get out of line, Mitchell, and you'll never work in this town again. By 'this town' I mean, of course, Hollywood."

"Nothing showy, but we would like to be publicized."

"You have such a familiar face. Who did it?"

"I don't know what that is, either - it could be the Olsen twins."

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

'The C minus was sufficient. I didn't need the advice against hiring a literary agent.'

"Have you read any of Shakespeare's plays?"

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

Henry the amazing talking dog.

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

"Mum, I got the job!"

Your resume begins Once Upon A Time...I like that!

Enterpe, Terpsichore, Calliope, and Bernie, their agent.

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

"Great news, I've booked you two stag nights, a hen party and fourteen solemn thanksgiving services for members of the theatrical profession"