Movie Agent Gifts

'Do you have an agent?'

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

"Have you read any of Shakespeare's plays?"

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

Henry the amazing talking dog.

"Mum, I got the job!"

Why you've never heard of Ricky Rat.

Enterpe, Terpsichore, Calliope, and Bernie, their agent.

"Great news, I've booked you two stag nights, a hen party and fourteen solemn thanksgiving services for members of the theatrical profession"

"Which part are you reading for?"

"We both see Ben as this summer's breakout child."

"And what else do you think you can bring to the role of Edmund, Earl of Gloucester?"

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

'They're only interested in computer generated mammoths.' (Theatrical Agent).

'Nine national treasures in one film! Start writing your Oscar speech, darling.'

Meet Santa's entourage

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

Sid Sinatra.

"What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!"

Snow White and her Seven people.

'Because I'm so sick of those movies, now go get me a romantic comedy.'

"Bob, you're just not selling me on you essential hamburgerness."

"Sorry, you're not cut out to be a mime artist."

"Er. . . anything else?"

"Face it - in this town, either you're a star or you're just another brown dwarf."

"I'm thinking action roles might not really be your thing."

"Well, you're certainly on our short list."

THEATRICAL AGENCY, 'We have an opening to do some commercials - How'd you like to be the LEAST interesting man in the world?'

'Therapy in L.A.'

"You played yourself in your last picture. Everyone found it unconvincing."

'Michelle's Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms'