Music Agent Gifts

"We've got Tom O'Brien on bass, Nick Weber on drums, and Jonah Petchesky on contracts."

'I have Tourette's, and they play backup.'

"You're looking at the next Bob Dylan."

"A word to the wise - he's sick of 'La Bamba'."

"The good news is he costs a quarter of what a string quarted would; the bad news is that, of course, he's suffocating."

On the Colonial Tour.

'But you kept saying the rhythm was gonna get you.'

'Ludwig, as your agent I have to tell you that unless you turn this symphony into an ad jingle or a TV theme song it won't sell.'

'Sorry, too middle of the road.'

"You guys are a class act"

You don't have to be tone deaf to work here but it helps.

Music agent saying to Robin: 'That's it?'

'Mozart...as your agent I strongly advise against your choice of stage name...'

'How about calling you Product Recall -you'll get plenty of free notices in the papers?'

'After much pleading from his agent. Pavarotti eventually agrees to drop the banjo from his performance'

'Has your group got a name yet?'

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

Henry the amazing talking dog.

Why you've never heard of Ricky Rat.

"Mum, I got the job!"

Enterpe, Terpsichore, Calliope, and Bernie, their agent.

"And what else do you think you can bring to the role of Edmund, Earl of Gloucester?"

"Great news, I've booked you two stag nights, a hen party and fourteen solemn thanksgiving services for members of the theatrical profession"

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

"Which part are you reading for?"

"We both see Ben as this summer's breakout child."

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

Sid Sinatra.

'Nine national treasures in one film! Start writing your Oscar speech, darling.'

Meet Santa's entourage

"What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!"