Hollywood Agent T-Shirts

"I'm not sure if the audience is ready to embrace you in a romantic comedy."

"Stan baby, Dave baby here."

'I'm five, but I can play three to seven and a half.'

"He's Richard Gere without the principles."

"Listen, I'm speaking to you not just as your agent, but also as a parasite."

"The premise was good but you failed on the execution."

"I promised I'd be around long enough to reinvent and repackage each of you one more time, but the Big Talent Agent in the Sky seems to have other plans for me!"

'Why must the children be subjected to this?!?'

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

Henry the amazing talking dog.

"Mum, I got the job!"

'Hey, Charlie, have we got good news for you!'

Enterpe, Terpsichore, Calliope, and Bernie, their agent.

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

"Which part are you reading for?"

"We both see Ben as this summer's breakout child."

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

Tom Hanks

"Great news, I've booked you two stag nights, a hen party and fourteen solemn thanksgiving services for members of the theatrical profession"

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

'And the Award goes to...Ewww...him?'

Meet Santa's entourage

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

"What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!"

Hollywood producer.

"So, do you see yourself as a car valet who writes screenplays or a screen writer who parks cars?"

Snow White and her Seven people.

Danae's Celebrity Career: 'I don't know where to begin in deciding what I want to be when I grow up...I want people to shut and leave me alone, and I need lots of attention, so...'

'Because I'm so sick of those movies, now go get me a romantic comedy.'

"Bob, you're just not selling me on you essential hamburgerness."