Film Agent T-Shirts

'Being caught sober in your car is very bad for your career.'

'Do you have an agent?'

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

'The C minus was sufficient. I didn't need the advice against hiring a literary agent.'

"Have you read any of Shakespeare's plays?"

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

Henry the amazing talking dog.

"Mum, I got the job!"

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

Your resume begins Once Upon A Time...I like that!

Enterpe, Terpsichore, Calliope, and Bernie, their agent.

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

"Great news, I've booked you two stag nights, a hen party and fourteen solemn thanksgiving services for members of the theatrical profession"

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

"Which part are you reading for?"

"Those are the failed attempts at my first novel."

"We can stop entertaining ourselves now, Ian."

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

"We both see Ben as this summer's breakout child."

"If you saw a book with the title 'An American Speaks Out,' would you buy it?"

'Is this your first book launch?'

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

Meet Santa's entourage

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."