Theater Agent T-Shirts

"So that's it then? Just the one trick?"

"All he does is roll over, fetch, and bark – but if you don't book him, he'll kill you."

'You're a magician, Mr. Scully?'

'I told you Ko-ko that you don't have to even think of retirement - the phone stopped ringing for you years ago!'

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

Women's Bonnets Block the Audience View

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

Papageno from The Magic Flute

'The C minus was sufficient. I didn't need the advice against hiring a literary agent.'

"Have you read any of Shakespeare's plays?"

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

"When I grow up, I want to become president and eventually the subject of a groundbreaking, critically-acclaimed Broadway musical."

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

Taking a peek at the audience

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

Emily Dickinson: Mime - "I think she's saying something about death."

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

Henry the amazing talking dog.

"Mum, I got the job!"

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

"Avant-garde jazz hands"

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

Your resume begins Once Upon A Time...I like that!

Enterpe, Terpsichore, Calliope, and Bernie, their agent.

"If you saw a book with the title 'An American Speaks Out,' would you buy it?"

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

"Those are the failed attempts at my first novel."

"Which part are you reading for?"

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."