Entertainment Agent T-Shirts

"I don't talk to Christopher Robin anymore but I will consider a reunion special."

Gossip columns: 'And rumour has it that singer, Kelli B is said to be in shock after finding out longtime boyfriend, actor Todd Korfull, has been having an affair with, now get this, KELLI'S agent!! YEEOUCH!...' A column talking

'Can you do anything else?'

"Mum, I got the job!"

'It's 'big office' meets 'poorly-received flop'!'

'The worst has happened. You've been acquitted, and all our book and movie deals depend on your conviction!'

"Couldn't get any of my acts into panto this year, all full of %�*$ TV critics"

"And you wouldn't believe how much it costs to bring up a child star these days!"

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

"Have you read any of Shakespeare's plays?"

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

Henry the amazing talking dog.

"Yoo-hoo. Fifteen minutes of fame is about to start."

Enterpe, Terpsichore, Calliope, and Bernie, their agent.

"Which part are you reading for?"

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

"We need to sue, claiming free speech is being violated by remotes with fast forward buttons."

"We both see Ben as this summer's breakout child."

The GODFATHER Ride 25¢

"What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!"

"Hello. I'm director Bob ('Blue Fires') Munsey and this is screenwriter Doris ('Highway to Nowhere') Winslow."

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

'They're only interested in computer generated mammoths.' (Theatrical Agent).

JET (Part I)

'Now go out there and sell yourself!'

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

"Bob, you're just not selling me on you essential hamburgerness."

'The best gig I can get you for your comeback, Lazarus, is DJ in the graveyard slot.'

"Well, you're certainly on our short list."

THEATRICAL AGENCY, 'We have an opening to do some commercials - How'd you like to be the LEAST interesting man in the world?'

"You're looking at the next Bob Dylan."

"Face it - in this town, either you're a star or you're just another brown dwarf."

"Er. . . anything else?"