Showbusiness Agent T-Shirts

"I support you one hundred per cent in your battle against upfront fees..."

"Yoo-hoo. Fifteen minutes of fame is about to start."

"Mum, I got the job!"

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

Toenail clipping missile.

"Wow, your mane looks fantastic! New conditioner?"

'Man it's a tough crowd tonight!'

"Take my advice; speak softly but carry a big shtick."

'I'm a star!'

"While you're at it Houdini, try and find the last ten years of my life in there."

Hollywood producer.

'Now go out there and sell yourself!'

"Sorry, you're not cut out to be a mime artist."

"Fashion Week"

The Acme Agency: "Dedicated to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Media Exposure."

"Er. . . anything else?"

"When did you first notice you were larger than life?"

TV stage door

Vaudeville producers audition a singing Canada goose.

"In closing, I'd just like to say you've been a great crowd, folks. Don't forget to tip your waitress, and I hope this final number breaks your heart the way show business broke mine."

'I don't mind playing dead. But what I would really like to do is direct.'

Stage producer.

No Talent Agency

Gossip columns: 'And rumour has it that singer, Kelli B is said to be in shock after finding out longtime boyfriend, actor Todd Korfull, has been having an affair with, now get this, KELLI'S agent!! YEEOUCH!...' A column talking

'It's 'big office' meets 'poorly-received flop'!'

"I can sleep late, but, as his agent, I still get ten percent of the worm."

'Excellent. But try it again and this time start your sway at the beginning of the fourth bar, O.K.?'