Showbusiness Professional T-Shirts

"... And of course, because he's only a 'D-list celebrity' you'll get him much cheaper."

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

"Yoo-hoo. Fifteen minutes of fame is about to start."

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

"We need to sue, claiming free speech is being violated by remotes with fast forward buttons."

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

'I'm a star!'

Remember . . . If at first you do succeed, make sequels!'

"While you're at it Houdini, try and find the last ten years of my life in there."

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

"Wow, your mane looks fantastic! New conditioner?"

'Man it's a tough crowd tonight!'

The GODFATHER Ride 25¢

Hollywood producer.

Toenail clipping missile.

"Take my advice; speak softly but carry a big shtick."

"I'm thinking action roles might not really be your thing."

Vaudeville producers audition a singing Canada goose.

"Er. . . anything else?"

"Fashion Week"

"Sorry, you're not cut out to be a mime artist."

The First 3-D Thanksgiving

"When did you first notice you were larger than life?"

TV stage door

"In closing, I'd just like to say you've been a great crowd, folks. Don't forget to tip your waitress, and I hope this final number breaks your heart the way show business broke mine."

'The Final Merger'

"We interrupt this rubbish to give you another chance to switch off."

'I don't mind playing dead. But what I would really like to do is direct.'