Show Business Aficionado T-Shirts

Stephen Hawking has a terrible agent

Showbiz Awards

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

"I've just never worked anyplace where the 'alpha male' was a woman."

Haute Suture

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

"Damnit, executive-trainees don't have 'accidents'."

'Now this is exactly what I was referring to when I talked about 'scope creep'.'

Big Shot/Bigger Shot.

'The stage hypnotist was great, he regressed Jeff to a previous life, and discovered that he was a layabout then, too.'

'No. . . I'll never spend £400 on a haircut. . .'

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

Music Hall Dancers

"Is it 'Measure once, cut twice?' Or 'Cut once, then measure?' Or maybe it's..."

Hollywood producer.

'I'm a star!'

"While you're at it Houdini, try and find the last ten years of my life in there."

'Man it's a tough crowd tonight!'

"Hey, Bob. Things haven't been quite the same since Richard Attenborough arrived here, have they?"

Toenail clipping missile.

"Take my advice; speak softly but carry a big shtick."

'I'm not a magician, but I do keep live doves in my pants.'

Businessman has Sterling Sign Shaved in Head.

Vaudeville producers audition a singing Canada goose.

Animal Actors

'Call you back - I'm with my agent.'

TV stage door

"In closing, I'd just like to say you've been a great crowd, folks. Don't forget to tip your waitress, and I hope this final number breaks your heart the way show business broke mine."

"Fashion Week"

"Face it - in this town, either you're a star or you're just another brown dwarf."

Bette Midler

Welcome to Yellow Pages, Vermont

"Er. . . anything else?"