Artistic Executive Gifts

Brian, I hope you're taking this seriously.

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"Welcome to the future"

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

'We want everyone to remember our name.'

"Think of it as buying in – not selling out."

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

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'As our new company logo, I'm not quite sure it's sending out the right message.'

Create some buzz!

'If only every year was an election year.'

'I guess every team needs a creative renegade.'

"You're a strong, virile stallion of a man, Randy. Has anyone ever told you that?"

Crap from the future.

"Technically he's a zombie but we'll market him as a hybrid."

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

"Remember, money is only a tool - to make more money."

"So let's roll up our sleeves and show that America still builds the world's greatest advertising."

"...But of course we'll still be friends on Facebook!"

'Not bad, Ms. Newborn. But take another crack at it, and this time remember that 'earnings-per-share' is the alter upon which all other numbers are sacrificed.'

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

'He's written some great slogans and some great labels, but he's never written a great coupon.'

XYZ Inc, putting a folksy, human face on unfettered corporate greed for over 50 years.

'Okay, okay, be patient!'