Art Company Executive Gifts

"We're finishing up the sales reports now."

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

Larry's used art

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

"I think he was a celebrity."

Creative department

'Let me see your portfolio of stolen ideas.'

"We're looking for something for our panic room."

'Are you sure this is authentic ancient Indian art?'

Misunderstood artist

'Not bad, Ms. Newborn. But take another crack at it, and this time remember that 'earnings-per-share' is the alter upon which all other numbers are sacrificed.'

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

"I believe it took a team of twenty five, working six months at a cost of �250, 000 to come up with that."

'And we have an employee wellness program. By not offering health insurance or sick pay, we encourage wellness.'

'I highly recommend this painting if you're interested in art as an investment.'

'My interpretation is that it deals with the artist's utter frustration over the scarcity of remaining, reasonable equity values.'

'It says our line printer is obsolete our remote terminal is obsolete, and I'm afraid, we're obsolete.'

Rodin's Cattle-Grid

"These meetings bring out my creative side. How's this for the boss?"

'The client has asked that you please stop referring to the product as, 'Crappy Crap Crap.'

Dolores is so avant garde.

'It's creative as hell! Now that you've got that out of your system, give me a campaign that will sell.'

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

Annual Stockholders' Meeting: Take some tissues.

'Our union contract keeps us from cutting salaries, but nothing prevents us from charging for parking.'

'We raised the price, so at least as far as we're concerned it's new and improved.'