Film Editor Gifts

Safety

'Sorry guys! But i'm afraid we're going to have to shoot this segment again. The darn tape just ran out!'

"this is Justin, our special effects man."

"But only during rehearsal."

"But what if someone decides to colorize this movie one day?"

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

'The idiot's drawn us in the wrong aspect ration!'

"So it will be your job to take the old black and white films and give thema generous sprinkling of swear words."

Alas! My part ended up on the cuttimg room floor.

'My whole life flashed before my eyes. I want to talk to the guy who did the editing.'

"And the award for the best use of AI in a movie goes to..."

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"It's just great to be able to talk to someone with the same aspect ratio."

"Oh, that's just one of those special effects for a film they're making here."

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

"I'll talk! I'll talk! Just turn off the director's cut."

Must-See Lockdown TV.

"I tried running in gyms, but nothing gets me motivated like running towards a love interest...."

"Yeah, I had a few cups of coffee before I filmed the interview. Why?"

"Which part are you reading for?"

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

Copycats

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

Squeezing the Free Press.

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

Campaign for Plain English

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

Thru versus Through Traffic

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

Books: Novels, Short-Stories, Tall Tales.

Frontispiece to the first volume of 'Master Humphrey's Clock'