Festive Prankster Pillows

'Find out who got Santa the Slim-master 6000 and put them on the naughty list.'

'See, I told you we could make it under that bridge!'

Getting the Christmas Tree Home.

"Fat-free milk and sugar-free cookies? What kind of sick joke is this?"

'Oh great, here comes that neighbour's dog again!'

Santa-Can at the North Pole.

'You've never decorated a Christmas tree before, have you dear?'

'It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.'

Why Santa's elves never get around to forming a labor union.

Mrs Claus Gives Santa a Chimney Toilet.

"Hey, Dad. We almost caught Santa last night!"

George Washington at Christmas: 'I can not tell a lie.'

'No. 5, please step forward, open your coat, and say, 'ho, ho, ho.''

"'Breaking & Entering' - what about you?"

Santa turns on a light and the Xmas tree catches fire says 'On no!'

'According to the breathalyser, you're 50,000 glasses of sherry over the legal limit.'

'Okay, cough.'

"We're from Neighborhood Watch. We'd like to see some I.D."

'Due to heating costs this year, the GOOD boys and girls will get coal in their stockings.'

Santa's naughty list and nice list.

'Man! That must have been a GREAT New Years party!'

'Naughty or nice? I refuse to answer on the grounds that it might incriminate me.'

Christmas kiss

To celebrate his newly found good will towards me, Scrooge gives Bob Cratchit a Christmas Goose.

Santa's Senior Moment: 'Now what did I come down here for?'

Santa sits at workboxes, entitled: 'Nice', 'Naughty', and 'Asbos'.

"Insurance Company Report...damage to 4500 roofs..."

'Darling, it's the local Satanists wondering whether they can sing us some black metal.'

'Man, I hate houses without a chimney!'

"The fact is Santa, if that's your real name. You were caught inside the house, with a sack full of valuables."

'It's okay, I thought I heard the dog in here with the presents.'

Modern Day Christmas Carolers

"Sure I've been good, but I thought you might like to know what the other kids have been up to!"

'I'm sorry dear. It must have shrunk in the wash.'

Secret Santa