Farming Humorist Gifts

"No, there's nothing wrong with her. Daisy here has been bred only to produce skimmed milk."

'This is your third speeding ticket in a week. Sure your horse didn't get into some genetically modified hay?'

A sure sign of rain

'He always gets that way when I ask him about our retirement plan,'

'I lost them at terminal 5!'

'How are you at thinking outside the flocks?'

"Making instant butter."

"We're raising them for turkey bacon."

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"No, I like the plan. Just saying, have you ever done any actual tunnelling?"

'Wake up, dear...did you order extra milk?!'

'We're taking over tonight, it's the only way to save the farm.'

'Henrietta is so self-confident.'

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

'Some dogs are meant to be working dogs and some aren't.'

"Static cling."

'Pass the salt, will ya, buddy?'

"We can do this the easy way or we can do it the hard way ..."

'Mother, there's something you're not telling me about that alien invasion, I can feel it!'

"Don't be so dramatic. You tell me you're pregnant every day?"

'That GMO gene salesman was darn right!'

"You're living in a fantasy world, Nelly. Farmer Dave doesn't know you're alive. Plus, he's a human being, he's married, he's the church pastor and he's secretly gay."

"That was definitely mine."

Emergency room doctor about half cow: 'Farming accident. Be sensitive - she's beside herself.'

"I guess it must be that new growth hormone the farmer gave me!"

'Ok, this sty is great and all, but can we get some huge explosions? Wilbur, could you say 'it's about to get real'?'

"I was hoping Calvin would grow up to be top sirloin..."

'Tropical fruit, imported cheese, coconuts...I'm not really into that 'eat locally' stuff.'

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

'Hey Sally, do these new capris make me look pretentious?'

'MEN! We've got a fire at the cattle shed! Do we want rare, medium or well done?'

Shocking cows and chickens with the ingredients of the cake.

Worse case of chicken pox I've ever seen!

'That hussy. She's always first in line for insemination.'

'I promise, you're not crossing to the Dark Side.'