Farm Humorists Gifts

Thanks for the heads up on the gelatinous cube!

"Lose those fantasies of exacting vengeance from the afterlife. Our best hope is a mild case of salmonella."

"My job is not as easy as it looks: You have to learn about astronomy and celestial mechanics to be able to accurately predict sunrise and sunset..."

Cow Pockets

Sheep has it's fur shorn into a tutu.

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"No, I like the plan. Just saying, have you ever done any actual tunnelling?"

'Wake up, dear...did you order extra milk?!'

'Henrietta is so self-confident.'

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

A sure sign of rain

'Some dogs are meant to be working dogs and some aren't.'

Milking the Cow.

"We can do this the easy way or we can do it the hard way ..."

'Mother, there's something you're not telling me about that alien invasion, I can feel it!'

"Static cling."

'Pass the salt, will ya, buddy?'

"Don't be so dramatic. You tell me you're pregnant every day?"

"I'm an enigma!"

"You're living in a fantasy world, Nelly. Farmer Dave doesn't know you're alive. Plus, he's a human being, he's married, he's the church pastor and he's secretly gay."

'How are you at thinking outside the flocks?'

"That was definitely mine."

Emergency room doctor about half cow: 'Farming accident. Be sensitive - she's beside herself.'

'Wool ewe pullover yourself together.'

'MEN! We've got a fire at the cattle shed! Do we want rare, medium or well done?'

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

'Watch out, Dewey! Cow pie!'

'Ok, this sty is great and all, but can we get some huge explosions? Wilbur, could you say 'it's about to get real'?'

'Hey Sally, do these new capris make me look pretentious?'

'Tropical fruit, imported cheese, coconuts...I'm not really into that 'eat locally' stuff.'

Shocking cows and chickens with the ingredients of the cake.

Worse case of chicken pox I've ever seen!

'Nonsense! They can't All have headaches.'

The Mongolian Steps Slinky Cows.

'I promise, you're not crossing to the Dark Side.'